


We Don't Talk Anymore (What Was All Of It For?)

by toraaahhh



Series: California [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: College AU, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 16:02:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7178768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toraaahhh/pseuds/toraaahhh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>everything is not what it seems because social media is a bitch</p><p>aka</p><p>i'm a mess and this is actually an excerpt from the second part of a three part series I'm doing but I've had this song stuck in my head for days and this just came to me. I want to get a feel for how things work and I'm also looking for a co-author or at least a beta..</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Don't Talk Anymore (What Was All Of It For?)

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said in the description, this is an excerpt from the second part of a three part series. I wanna get the first chapter of the first part up some time within the next week but I'm so meticulous about my writing that I don't think I'll ever get it out there, you know? But the first chapter will have more of an explanation of.. a lot of things. If you'd like in on this, hmu at toraaahhh on tumblr!  
> And please, leave all the feedback you want, I live for constructive criticism.

> Don't wanna know  
>  Kinda dress you're wearing tonight  
>  If he's holdin onto you so tight  
>  The way I did before

Lexa flipped idly through the snapchat stories of the day as she lay face down on the rickety twin bed the university provided. Though she'd usually find herself buried in blankets and basking in their warmth, she found herself too tired to even manage it as she waited for Octavia and Lincoln to stop by her dorm so they could spend their Saturday night like the cliche college students they deserved to be. She found herself absentmindedly avoiding Clarke’s story as she’d been doing since “D-Day,” as Anya and Raven had dubbed their breakup. Lexa didn't care to dwell on the matter more than she needed to, considering it was completely her fault, and she found the best way to mend her broken heart was to completely forget that the blonde existed. Honestly, it was a fool proof plan, A+ in Lexa’s book until she realized how close Raven, Anya and Clarke had gotten over on the east coast. Like, regular sleepovers and going out and let's just say that her ex was handling the breakup pretty well from what she'd seen through social media.

As if social media itself wasn't a deceiving sort of thing.

The brunette liked to pretend her heart didn't flop to the pit of her stomach every time she saw a glimpse of Clarke on social media but old habits die hard and nothing left her untied like the Pacific Ocean blue eyes that occupied her thoughts. By the time she'd reached the end of the day on her older sister's story, Lexa figured she was in the clear for seeing something she wasn't ready to until it was there in front of her. Clarke sat on the lap of a muscled male with deeply tanned skin, brown eyes, perfectly white teeth and the kind of hair you saw on male models. Which is what he looked like. Clarke had moved on from hamburger helper to filet mignon and the caption didn't help in the slightest. ‘Doctor Hot, I'm ready for resuscitation.’ His arms were wrapped around the blondes waist firmly as she doubled over in laughter, eyes sparkling and blonde hair swinging with the ease you only see in a Pantene commercial. She was and always had been gorgeous, literal sunshine and though Lexa wanted her to be happy again, literally nothing more, she still couldn’t control the feelings of heartache that swept over her in waves. That should be her, making Clarke laugh and smile. Lexa should be the one making out with Clarke underneath a tree on campus or staying up late with her to study. And it hurt to let Clarke go but Lexa knew that this was what was best for Clarke, that it was what she needed to succeed and thrive, to be away from the one she loved.

 

_“It’s just.. Not going to work Clarke. You’ll be at Harvard for the next four years while I’m at Stanford and we’re going to meet new people anyways, you know? This time last year, you didn't even acknowledge my existence,” the brunette spat harshly, sitting on the edge of her bath tub, mindlessly skimming the top of the freshly poured water. It'd taken her two days to come to a conclusion she was semi satisfied with. The girls knew it'd be such a stretch if they were both accepted into Harvard for the fall semester but Lexa couldn't deny how unbelievably proud she was of her girlfriend getting it. She was happy, at first. And then she was sad. Then angry. She’d worked her entire life to be the best, to only have A’s at the end of every semester and if she'd stayed focused her last year in high school she knew without a doubt that she'd be the one preparing to board a flight to Cambridge._

 

Clarke happily took the drink offered to her by Artigas, giving him her undivided attention in an effort to live up to the promise she made to Anya and Raven. Lexa had broken her heart three months prior and she still couldn't get the moment to stop playing on a loop. She found the day's harder to pass through and her nights filled with endless tears. She often found herself wondering if Lexa even cared that they weren't together anymore, if she'd already moved on but the blonde was so afraid of asking, so afraid of being pushed over the edge and into her depression that she had to stop herself from looking at Lexa’s feed online. But nothing in the world was able to fill the void that the brunette left, which was what she was also attempting to do now as she cradled the plastic cup. Back against the wall, Clarke attempted to pay attention to whatever Art was saying to her over the music and wherever her mind had taken, well, where it always went in her free time.

 

_“Lexa p-please don’t.. Don’t do this, we’re supposed to be forever, Lex,” Clarke sobbed into her phone, as the words tumbled from her lips incoherently. How had something so perfect and pure and right, crumbled so easily? “Lexa, I’ll do anything, I swear. I’m.. I’m so in love with you.” The blonde continued to wail from the passenger seat of her mother’s car as Marcus and Abby stood idly by the trunk along with Raven, Anya, Lincoln, Octavia and the Woods’. Everyone was there to see the girls off to Massachusetts for college except the one that Clarke needed the most, the one she couldn’t see herself without. “You said.. You said our love was made to rule the world.”_

 

“Why are you still in bed and why haven't you changed?” Octavia demanded as she bounded into Lexa’s dorm with a purpose. The petite brunette stalked over to her friends dresser to find something slightly more suitable than yesterday's sweats that Lexa was currently rocking. It was hard being Lexa’s friend after the break up with Clarke but Lincoln insisted that he would be there for his cousin, even if he felt Lexa’s actions were exceptionally dramatic, which meant Octavia would be there, too. Though it seemed that the odds were stacked against the two, Octavia knew that through all of the drama that surrounded senior year, Lexa was their biggest supporter, hands down. Plus, she promised Anya she'd make sure Lexa enjoyed the next four years, even through her self induced solitary state.

“I got distracted, sue me,” Lexa responded casually before turning over to sit up, monitoring Octavia’s choices from her bed. If she stopped thinking now, she'd end up in a bandage skirt and Jimmy Choo’s and she didn't need the night to go further south than it already was. Could you even go further than hell?

“I have better things to do than to drag your lame ass to court,” Octavia winked over her shoulder. “So I'm being nice right now and assuming a skirt is out of the question…?”

“Do you want me to suffer more than I already am?” Lexa mumbled.

Octavia's first response was to be honest, of course she did. Clarke’s been her best friend since the womb and to see her suffer heartache after heartache was hard to do, even on opposite sides of the country. Finally, Octavia settled on a ripped band t shirt turned muscle tee, a plaid button down, torn jeans Octavia was sure Lexa didn't buy that way and her motorcycle boots, even though Lexa was afraid to ride one. How cliche. “Here, put this on, let's make it quick dick, you know the party doesn't start till I walk in.”

“That doesn't hold any weight if Lincoln is the one who’s telling you that, Tay.”

“Other than the fact that I'm me and just because I left the homestead, doesn't mean I forgot my charm there, too… The sorority I joined absolutely adores me. As you will too, over time.”

“You joined a sorority? When?” Lexa spoke as she zipped up her jeans and slipped on her boots.

“A month and a half ago, dude. Like.. Two weeks after we got here. I know you don't care that much for me but I'm sure you also realized Lincoln joined a fraternity.”

Lexa stopped, eyes settling on her cousin's girlfriend, her girlfriends best friend. Well, ex girlfriend. “You're joking, right? Lincoln would never.. He hated everyone in the OC!” She snorted as her eyes left Octavia’s, reaching for the button up the brunette pulled from her clothes. As her hands slid up the sleeves, she felt something cold on her skin and yanked it off, flipping it inside out. Sewn right into the sleeve above her forearm lay a golden heart, engraved with ‘Mrs. Clarke & Lexa Griffin-Woods’. Lexa thumbed it for a few seconds before handing it back to Octavia, “I don't think I wanna do the green thing today. It's october anyways, I'll just wear black.”

Octavia glanced at her with confusion before handing her a black leather jacket. As Lexa reached for it, Octavia saw a glimpse of the label and immediately pulled it back, tossing it over her shoulder.

“Octavia!”

“I'm guessing you don't shop at Saint Laurent, huh?” Octavia giggled awkwardly before settling on a red plaid button up. She checked all the sleeves and the label before tossing it at the taller brunette. “That should do it. And yes, Lincoln joined a fraternity. But he joined one of his people, their called Kappa’s and their color is red.”

“His people,” Lexa mused as she tied the sleeves around her waist, “Seriously Octavia? You mean he joined one of the divine nine?”

Octavia shrugged as she guided Lexa to a chair, pulling out her makeup bag. “Well I didn't want to sound racist by saying a black fraternity.”

“Well congrats, you not only sounded racist but clueless,” Lexa spoke with her eyes closed. “And speaking of Clueless, can you not go overboard?”

“Of course not, that'd take forever and we have ten minutes. You'll be fine with a light BB cream and Chapstick cause your lips are perfect. Hm, obviously eyeliner and you know, a highlighter cause God gifted you with such defined bone structure. You don't even deserve it, you don't even use it. And start taking those braids out.”

Lexa began to untangle the bottom of her cornrows, “Well, that explains all the red he's been wearing, I guess.”

Minutes later, Octavia stepped back to admire her work. Lexa was an attractive person when she tried, but that's how she knew Clarke was in love with her. She loved Lexa on her disheveled days, when her glasses were crooked and her pants were flooding. At first, Octavia didn't completely get it, it was obvious how Lexa was in love with Clarke, the definition of perfection but when she noticed Clarke beginning to reciprocate those feelings, she had to stop one day to make sure Clarke wasn't doing this for all the wrong reasons. But looking into Clarke's eyes that day, Octavia knew, it was Lexa. She was and always would be in love with the bookish brunette. And Lexa was in love with her, too. Or so they all thought. “Alright, let's go hoe, Lincoln is probably waiting downstairs.” Octavia stated, pulling Lexa up by her hand. She grabbed her phone, keys and wallet before pushing her out the door. Lexa followed obediently, a silent war in her head.

 

_Weeks after acceptances had come out and graduation had come and gone, Lexa knew she couldn't hide how she felt from someone who knew her so intimately and after Clarke began to beg, Lexa eventually provided her with the truth: She was embarrassed and outraged that Clarke was the student who was picked from their school to attend the Ivy League. Clarke, who passed through life without a care in the world and never hearing the word ‘no’ stumble from any lips other than her own. Clarke was just handed everything she ever wanted and it wasn't fair. Her confession caused the two not to talk for days before the blonde found herself outside of Lexa’s door on a peculiarly rainy night, one track mind set in motion. As the brunette stepped out of the entrance, Clarke wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s neck and peppered her face with kisses, vowing to give up Harvard and go to USC or Stanford if it'd make Lexa happy. Anything to make Lexa happy. And Lexa basked in the attention for a few seconds before pulling the girl in from the storm and to her bedroom. Hours later, as Clarke slept in Lexa’s bed with clothes strewn across the room, the brunette crept down the stairs and into the kitchen, intent on grabbing a night cap to settle the gnawing in her chest._

_“Talked to Octavia earlier,” Lincoln spoke from the doorway, arms crossed._

_“As opposed to any other day?”_

_“About Clarke. She said Clarke was gonna call Admissions at Harvard and tell them she was going to go somewhere else this fall,” He looked at his cousin's face intently as she avoided his eyes._

_“She told me..”_

_“You're lying to yourself if you honestly think C got into that school without hard work.”_

_“Her parents are alumni! She didn't even need to apply for a schola-”_

_“Exactly, Lex! You, of all people, know that Harvard is her dream just as much as it's yours! How selfish can you be?! She got the grades, she did the extra curricular activities and the clubs and the sports… Stop lying to yourself to justify this. If you let her give up going to that school, just to please you.. Maybe you don't deserve her as much as you thought you did.” Lincoln ended harshly before turning to leave Lexa to her thoughts._

 

Clarke lay in Anya & Ravens bed back in their apartment as Raven paid for the Chinese food they'd ordered before leaving the party. Art was sweet, gorgeous, a gentleman but Clarke knew she couldn't fool herself into trying to start anything with someone else while she was still madly in love with Lexa. Stupidly, it seemed, too.

Anya's fingers raked through the younger girls silky blonde hair as she began to braid it, as she'd ritualistically been doing since they stepped off the plane. The older girl found it easy to let Clarke fill Lexa’s spot physically, as the sister she needed to dote on while Lexa studied at Stanford. It'd taken her thirteen days to speak to her sister after they'd left California and though she told herself it was because she was trying to get Clarke to function like a human again, it was also because she was disappointed in Lexa’s choices. Sure, Anya was also disappointed when she started dating Clarke but that was because she didn't want- didn't need Clarke to play with Lexa’s emotions. The entire town knew that their golden girl had tainted herself after the death of her father and Anya needed Lexa to stay on the straight and narrow towards school and becoming something bigger than the OC. She was always larger than life and Anya knew that with guidance, Lexa could do and be anything.

Lexa still refused to let her in on the reason she refused to be with Clarke anymore and Clarke refused to move on, it seemed. Raven had insisted Clarke meet a friend from one of her classes and though Anya had seemed hesitant, they let the night take its course. Though it sucked to see Clarke shoot down a sweet kid, they both felt a surge in their chest for the girl they collectively thought was a fickle airhead. She couldn't stop loving the green eyed brunette if she tried. Less than an hour later, the girls left the party and headed back home with promises of 80s classics and greasy Asian cuisine.

“Anya, can you come here for a second?” Raven called from the kitchen, slight panic in her voice as she closed the apartment door, food sitting on the counter. She'd been going through the days snapchat stories and nearly dropped her phone at the video Lincoln sent her of the party her girlfriends sister was at. Lexa was off in a corner with her arms around a girl's waist, lips on her neck and all caution thrown to the wind apparently. Raven asked for more details and Lincoln ended up calling as Anya finally padded to the kitchen, fixing her girlfriend with a questioning look.

“Apparently, her name is Costia. She's one of Tay’s sorority sisters but they go back, I guess.”

Raven glanced at Anya, “Do you know a Costia?”

Anya shrugged her shoulders, still completely lost until her phone lit up, a snapchat from Octavia. Anya’s breath hitched at the picture of her sister kissing another girl, the two outlined by red arrows drawn on the picture with the caption, ‘how do these two know each other?’

“Did you say Costia?” Clarke asked from the other side of the kitchen, pulling the bag of take out towards her. The two older girls jumped at the sudden noise as they turned to Clarke. Lincoln had stopped speaking as Octavia sat on his lap in his bed, the party raging on below them. “She's a friend of Lexa’s, they went to summer camp together or whatever.” Clarke looked at them for an explanation to the question. Raven moved her hand, urging Clarke to keep going. “I don't know, Lexa said that was the girl she lost her virginity to.” Clarke turned to pull plates from the cabinet, not noticing the look the two girls shared, none of them seeing Octavia bringing her hand to her mouth and Lincoln falling back onto his bad in exhaustion. “Why?” Clarke finally looked at them though they remained silent, eyes not leaving each other's as if refusing to be the one to break her heart. Clarke rolled her eyes, pulling her own phone out of back pocket, the action causing Raven to step around Anya.

“Princess, it's nothing, seriously. It's not even a big deal.”

And as four distinct voices insisted that there was nothing to worry about, Clarke turned on her heel and made a break for the bathroom, slamming the door in Raven’s face as she moved to sit on the edge of the tub. Her hands shook slightly as she unlocked her phone, opening the snapchat app. She bypassed the multitude of stories and snaps that'd been sent to her and settled on Lexa’s. The brunette usually never used her snapchat which set off alarms in Clarke’s head already before she opened it. There were pictures of Lexa with classmates and Lincoln and Octavia and then their was one of another girl. Long black hair, gorgeous brown eyes and a breathtaking smile looked at her from the screen, Lexa’s lips on her cheek. ‘what was that Katy Perry song again about the one getting away…?’

Before Clarke could fully process it, the picture became a video of the two kissing. The pounding in her chest was louder than the one coming from the door and she sat there silently, attempting to control her breathing as her phone began to vibrate in her hand, Octavia's name flashing across her screen. She numbly answered the call, eyesight blurring rapidly.

“Clarke babe, it's nothing, ok? Lexa's been drinking a lot and she honestly was just happy to see someone she really knows. I promise it's nothing, ok?” Octavia spoke in a rush but Clarke shook her head furiously.

“It doesn't matter, we’re not together anymore.” Clarke croaked before ending the call and throwing her phone against the wall. Raven and Anya began to pound on the door harder at the sound, demanding to be let in before Clarke finally opened the door, the two falling in before the blonde stepped over them. “I'm not hungry anymore, I'm going to bed.” She stated before turning to leave.

 

> I just heard you found the one, you been looking  
>  You been looking for  
>  I wish I would have known that wasn't me  
>  Cause even after all this time I still wonder  
>  Why I can't move on  
>  Just the way you did so easily
> 
>  

_“That's not fair Lexa, that's not fair at all.. I told you I would defer Harvard, I told you I would and you told me to go. Why are you doing this? You were supposed to be here..” Clarke sniffed softly before hearing the faintest tap on the window._

_“Clarke honey, we have to go…” Marcus’ muffled voice carried through the glass. The blonde nodded her head before wiping her face and sitting up._

_“Lex, I have to go. I'll.. Call you when we land,” She sighed, “I love you... I love you so much. Always..”_

_She finally opened the door and stepped out, her phone balancing between her shoulder and ear._

_“Don't.. Don't bother to call, I don't want to be with you. We both know you'll find someone else to sleep with anyways.” Lexa replied nonchalantly before hanging up._

 

Twenty minutes into the party and Lexa was bored out of her mind. Octavia and Lincoln and slunk off somewhere, probably to fuck and the people that Lexa did know had either left or where otherwise occupied. Honestly, she'd rather be in bed, sulking like the little bitch that she was but she was slightly happy to be out, to be surrounded by people who had their own problems. She found that she couldn't breathe those nights she missed Clarke the most. A part of her always wondered how the blonde would take it if she hopped on a plane and showed up at one of the places she'd frequented but Lexa didn't have the balls to do so. She couldn't take the rejection, she told herself though she knew she was the one who ended up rejecting Clarke. Lexa was so caught up in her thoughts, she didn't notice the hand waving in front of her face, attempting to get her attention.

"Oh my God, Lexa Woods? How come I didn't know you were at Stanford?!" The girl asked, hand resting on Lexa's bicep. 

It took Lexa a moment before her eyes lit up, pulling the girl into her arms. She was petite, her terra-cotta skin glowing and usual black ringlets straightened. She was wearing a pearl necklace and heels but had on the same skirt and top that Octavia wore. 

"Costia Greene, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Lexa smirked as she pulled back. 

"I could say the same to you, you're the one at my sorority and brother fraternities mixer." 

"Oh uh, I'm here with Octavia Blake and Lincoln Pike, you probably don't know them.." Lexa's voice wandered off, still caught up in the presence of the beauty that stood before her. 

"Everyone knows those two, seriously. How do you?" 

"Back home, we went to high school together and Lincoln's my.. cousin."

"You know, it usually takes more than a year for that sort of news to pop up. How'd you gain a cousin in a year?" Costia laughed.

"It's a.. it's a long story."

"Well why don't you finish that cup, let me get you a few more and you tell me about." Costia winked before turning away and bounding towards the kitchen.

Lexa bit her lip, nodding as she mindlessly turned the cup in her hands. Costia was always an amazing friend to her but Lexa could never be what she needed, not back then when she was in love with Clarke. Though before the left summer camp to head off to senior year, Costia and her had honored the deal they made three years before, to lose their virginity to each other. It all seemed so silly back when they were fourteen but by the time seventeen had rolled around, they'd both rationalized that they didn't want to be the losers who started off senior year with a chastity belt still on. It happened and it was sweet but they'd easily parted ways after, back to separate lives and Lexa didn't regret it all, she was lucky she was able to do it with someone she cared so deeply for. But not loved, never love and she knew it hurt Costia but she wasn't going to lie to her. But that was last year and things were different now. Well, she was still in love with Clarke but she wasn't as optimistic about the whole situation. In fact, it was something she realized she needed to forget. 

"Lex, you were supposed to finish that!" Costia laughed, holding two more cups in her hands, a look of adoration on her face.

"I'm so sorry, I got distracted by.. that guy over there pretending he can dance or whatever." Lexa shrugged before bringing the signature red cup to her lips, downing the drink in one fell swoop. 

"That's my girl. Come on, we have so much to talk about." Costia grabbed Lexa's hand and led her to a sofa in the corner of the room. 

Lexa wasn't sure where the conversation was headed or even where she wanted it to go but in Costia's presence, she thought less about Clarke and the guy in the picture and more about how many drinks she could wash down before the night was over.

> I overdosed  
>  Should've known your love was a game   
>  Now I can't get you out of my brain   
>  Oh, it's such a shame  
>  That we don't talk anymore


End file.
